Freedom

It’s dark out. Without even opening my eyes I can tell that much. Any other day the darkness would be unwelcome. Not today. Today it means freedom. I slowly crawl from the dark and narrow space I’ve been confined to for the last 8 or so hours and begin preparing myself for what lies ahead. I know today wont be easy. I managed to sleep most of the night despite the cold night air and the lack of proper sleeping arrangements. I rub my eyes and try to take in my surroundings. As far as I can see, in all directions… dirt, cacti, mountains and a seemingly endless sky. The thought runs through my mind briefly, “I wonder if anyone could hear me scream right now?” I tell myself not to think about such things and begin to prepare for the day. The sun will be up shortly, I need to get going. I clean up my temporary home and begin walking. “Keep moving,” I tell myself. “It won’t be long now. Just keep walking.”

This is my third day out here. I’m tired. The first two days it was pretty easy to keep going. Now after two cooler than normal nights and warmer than normal days, my body is bruised, my hands and feet hurt, I long for shower and an indoor place to sleep and am getting wicked hungry. I keep telling myself I can endure another day of this. A week if I had to. I was quick to leave where I came from and didn’t bring much with me. I knew I would meet up with someone in a day or two. I was sure of it. I was able to grab a few things before I left. My inventory consists of, an extra pair of shoes that are too small, but have been a Godsend many times, a large piece of covered foam I’ve been able to wear as a backpack while I walk and sleep on at night, a small bag with a drawstring that carries a toothbrush, a bottle of water, a few strips of beef jerky, a light jacket to protect me from the wind during the day and a small blanket to keep me covered at night. I knew I needed to travel light or I would never make it.

The sun starts spilling over the mountain to my left. As desolate as this place is, and as tired as I am, I can’t help but notice its beauty. I have never seen such colors before. The light dances across the desert and all at once this barren field comes alive with beauty. Each of the last two mornings has amazed me with the spectacular spectacle of the sunrise. It makes this trek a little more bearable. I stop and stare at the ever changing landscape as the morning light hits my face. The warmth is welcomed for the moment. It won’t belong before I will want to escape from it.

“Just keep walking. It can’t be much farther.” I have to keep motivated or I’ll never make it. I just need to reach that large rock over there and I can rest for a while. It seems like a million miles away. I take a sip of the water I have left. It feels like silk against my dry lips. I’ve rationed what I have left to get me as far as I can go. It would be deadly to drink it all now. I’ll save what’s left of the jerky until I can rest. I tuck the water between my foam pad backpack and my neck. It’s still cold from last night and a great cooling system for my body. I daydream of sitting on the beach with an ice cold beer for a moment. I can almost taste it. “The rock is getting closer, don’t lose your pace now.” I come back to reality and concentrate on my walking. The rock that seemed so large from so far away, is becoming more monstrous the closer I get. It looks as if God was playing Jenga and didn’t clean up after it toppled. The rocks seemed precariously perched, yet incredibly stable. I’ve seen others like it on my two day trek, but this one seems particularly terrific. There is a large middle section that is perfectly stacked, one on top of the other. All around are piles of rocks that lean against and support this enormous tower. I hope I can find a small place to sit and rest for a while.

The sun has been up for an hour or so now. The warmth I welcomed, I know wish would go away. The rock I’ve been admiring is now about 100 steps away. I cant wait to find a nice cold rock to lie on and get out of this sun for a bit. I walk around and find a small alcove where the sun hadn’t touched yet. As I crawl down into it I find an empty beer bottle. “At least someone else has been here before.” Yesterday I found a Wheat Thins box. It has been a great motivator. I lay as far down into the alcove as I can and lay the foam pad along the ledge above me to keep the sun out as it moves. “I’ve made it.” I take a bite of the jerky and another sip of water and close my eyes to rest.

I awake sometime later to the sound of footsteps on the loose gravel outside. I don’t want to make a noise. They sound like they are getting closer. Or is it my imagination. I see a shadow around the pad, but the sun is still pretty low. I can’t make out what it is, but it IS getting closer. Two days across this desert without seeing anything else alive. I am hoping it’s friendly and scared to death its not. The footsteps stop, right on the other side of my foam shield. Then, a knock. “Dude, are you in there?” I throw the pad to the side and crawl out. “Holy shit, dude! You scared the crap outta me! Thank God you made it. I was worried I was going to be out here forever on my own!” My climbing partner had shown up right on time. We arranged to meet here three days ago. We walk together to his truck and I suck down what feels like a gallon of water that he has brought with him. He has been there for a while already. “I saw you sleeping about 30 minutes ago and by the dirt on your face I could tell you needed a good nap, so I let you sleep. I’ve got the ropes and gear ready to go. Drink up and grab a donut on the front seat. Just let me know when you are ready to climb this monster.” He knows what a man wants after two days hiking through the desert. I devour the donut and drink a ton of water he brought for me and I feel like a hundred bucks all over again. He throws me the hat and sunglasses I asked him to bring, I give him a brief nod, slip on my climbing shoes and my chalk bag and let him know I’m ready. We walk together to the base of the large rock, rope connected between us and protective gear strewn about. I watch as he starts climbing up this amazing rock formation and can’t help but think to myself, “There is no place I would rather be than right here, in the middle of nowhere.”

Okay, I'll talk to you later...

There is something that I dont understand about women. Well, there is a lot I dont understand about women. I don't pretend I know anything at all about them really. But something continues to happen between my girlfriend and I that drives me nuts. We will be talking to each other on the phone, and suddenly she will say, "Okay, I'll talk to you later." totally out of the blue. My first response is always, "What? You're done talking to me?"....Wait, let me clarify this situation a bit further before I go on, so I don't come off as a complete A-hole. First, we are both talking on cell phones. Usually she is in her car driving somewhere and on the headset deal. I could be anywhere, home, car, office, outside, literally anywhere. At least once during these conversations there will be the typical cell phone exchange of, "Hello? Can you hear me now?" by either one or both of us. And every conversation began by her asking if I was busy, and me saying no. If I am in the middle of something, I will tell her so and we will talk later.... Okay, now that I have thrown these little variables into the mix I'll continue.... On the surface this isnt a big deal. Maybe she is just finished telling me what she wanted to tell me. That's totally fine with me. But that's not it. I was able to get out of her once, that its because she thinks I'm not listening to her. (Heres where I start going nuts.) If you think that I am not listening to you, tell me you think Im not listening to you! Dont just say, "Okay, I'll see you later" and get upset. What the hell is that!! Chances are (and have always been so) that either 1) the cell phone has been cutting out and I havent said anything, because it hasnt been consistent enough to make a big deal out of it. or 2) while your driving the mic on the headset is swinging around because your changing lanes or something and I can't hear everything your saying or 3) you are talking about something that I dont understand and I'm doing my best to hear everything you are saying so I can retort, but Im usually a sentance or two behind in understanding everything.

I am very upfront and honest with my girlfriend. I dont tell her one thing and mean another. I tell her when I am upset. I tell her when I am busy and cant talk and I tell her when Im not busy and can talk. All I am asking for is for her to get a little clarification and find out if what she is feeling is real or not. Dont assume something and get your feelings hurt because of it.

I will never understand it....

Song of the day... Close Edge by Mos Def

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

Today I was randomly flipping through this blogging community we have here and a post caught my eye. The post was about how some people give Christianity a bad name. This thought caught my eye and stayed with me all day. The scariest part of it all was that I agreed with the statement and I am a Christian.

I have been a Christian my whole life. I grew up in the church. My father was a pastor and there wasn’t a week that went by I wasn’t in church on Sunday. As a kid this was something that my family did and so I did to. I didn’t know any different. I wasn’t just going through the motions though. I had a real faith in Him. But I never really challenged these beliefs.

During and after high school I went through some challenging times that really tested what I believed. I held on to the faith I had but I let go of some of the “rules” Christians have. (I’ll explain the quotes later.) I challenged a lot of what I had grown up just believing because it was said in church. These challenges shaped the rest of my life.

The reason this post affected me the way it did is because I have felt this way for a long time. It’s nice to know that some non-Christians feel the same way. I look at it as another challenge to shape my life. I look at it as a goal to not be one of those people that gives Christianity a bad name.

My experiences have taught me that what God wants is for us, as Christians, to be the examples of His love. He has only given us 10 “rules.” (Bet you thought I would never get here.) Look up the Ten Commandments and tell me which one of these “rules” would change the way you live your life. The only reason that I put quotes on this is because these aren’t things that prohibit your life in any sort of way. I’d love to hear the reason anyone thinks breaking one of these “rules” will make your life better. I bet that most anyone will contend that they are abiding by these rules without being a Christian.

Back to the topic at hand… It is my opinion, as the author did not state this as fact, that what she was implying was that these people that give Christianity a bad name are the people that are condemning others and intolerant of others points of view. What I consider to be a typical closed-minded Christian. This type of “bully evangelism” totally turns me off. I would never want someone to be scared into their beliefs by someone who tells them stories of fire and brimstone if they don’t believe in God. Gimme a freaking break! In all of my experiences I truly believe that God wants us to experience a relationship with Him through faith, not religion.

I could go off on a rant about relationship vs. religion but I will save that for another time.

I will try to wrap this up. I guess the whole point of this is to challenge the thinking of a lot of Christians in the world. Take a good look a Jesus Christ’s life and example to us. Look really hard. It is clearly laid out that he hung out with the people of the world that didn’t believe in Him or his teachings. He was frequently around the people society cast out. The sexual deviants, the drunks and addicts, the prostitutes and people most Christians of today wouldn’t be caught dead near. God asked us to be “like Christ.” If you are challenged by one statement in this collection of random thoughts, let it be this, Take a good hard look at who Christ was while He was on this earth and try to emulate that in your own life. Give it your best shot and don’t give Christianity a bad name.

Song of the day…Come and Listen by David Crowder Band

You are how old???

I am new to my thirties and not bothered by it all so far. I have always been told, "Just wait until you hit thirty." It's here... I dont see what the big deal is. I have a beautiful girlfriend and we have been dating over a year. I am a rock climber and am climbing harder and better than I ever have, and I have never felt better about where I am at in life. What's so bad about being thirty? Screw thirty. Don't tell me that just because I'm not in my twenties anymore that I have to act different or do life differently than I have for the past 29 years. I am still me and still like and dislike the same things. Being in my thirties isnt going to change who I am. Granted I can feel the toll the years have taken on my body. That much I can tell you is true. I do not recover as fast as I used to after a hard days climb. My fingers and shoulders hurt for a day or two after a night at the climbing gym. But as long as I am getting stronger and better, the pain is worth it. But no matter what the years on earth has done to my body, it has only sharpened my mind. If I can keep that up, I dont see myself slowing down one bit.

Okay, enough for today. Im gonna go watch the latest Lost episode I recorded tonight. I will leave you (whomever you are) with the song of the day.... Tom Trauberts Blues by Tom Waits.

Introduction

Kind of an interesting relationship we have here. I dont even know you and yet I feel compelled to tell you whats on my mind. I haven't yet figured out exactly how much I want to share, but we'll see how it turns out. Today we'll keep it short. I'll tell you I've just begun my thirties and have made some observations of life that dont always conform to the norm. No matter who's norm you are talking about, even my own.

It's an interesting feeling starting a coversation with no one....